Here's a story. Of a little SmartA$$. A man from Northeast Ohio, Groove-E Joe.
He stopped by in the shop.
And said 'hey man'...
Got an idea for yo.
...Okay, seriously. A little story about Joe, that we have to tell. Joe's a beer brewin' Energy drink, drinkin' brother that we know so well. Way back in history it started. On a ride one day with his horse, Paul Revere, he was by himself with a quart of beer, which was becoming flat from the heat from the sun. In the distance, he sees a man in the desert. Turns out the man on the run for allegations of what he may or may not have done to the sherrif's daughter. The crime supposedly involved a whiffle ball bat, but that's only hearsay. The story sounded well rehearsed, and Joe was quite skeptical. After denying him a sip of his warm beer, dude pulls a shotgun and puts it to his head. Starts screaming about having a license to kill, and that it's time to get ill. This is where the story really begins. ...New dude points out that since he's got the gun and Joe has the brew, there were two choices that were plain to see- Joe can take a bullet for some warm schmeg, or he could ride with his new friend.
Nah. For real. It's a story all about how his life got caught up and turned upside down. See, Joe was near the local schoolyard, playing some basketball. Out of nowhere he was approached by some non groovy fellas who were up to no good. They started causing trouble in the neighborhood. Joe got in a minor brawl, which caused his mom to get scared. She forced him to relocate to his Aunt and Uncle who live a few states over, in a town called BelAir.
They don't drive him, of course. He has to take a cab the whole way there. At first, it's cool- the license plate on the cab said "Fresh" and the cab had a pair of fuzzy dice in the mirror. Turns out the dice were air fresheners, because the driver had a bad odor problem. But, nonetheless, Joe made it to his destination- to reign as prince of his new town. Oh, the crazy adventures that ensued with his cousin Carlton.
...but eventually Joe got older, and took a job fighting aliens and saving the planet in various forms, and had a grand old time erasing peoples memories with whats known as a "Flashy Thingy" and hooking up with attractive forensic examiners.
Eventually that got old and he took up boxing as a sport, and won world championships while dancing around the ring and referring to himself as flying insects.
Uhhhh... because his parents just didn't understand.
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